Assume the Position (DIscretion is a Holy Virtue)
Maid's uniform spews forth streams of red petals from its collar. Over the skirt is an apron featuring an embroidery of a swan atop a medical illustration of a human heart. Beneath the skirt hangs a petticoat, a mop and chandelier crystals. The pole is covered with the familiar pattern of disposable dishcloths. Its base is made from molded styrofoam packaging impaled by a thousand red plastic cocktail swords (most of the entertaining in the house is now in the form of fundraising functions).